I received a pink slip three weeks ago. My former employer calls it redeployment which confuses me. Did I lose my job or am I being shipped off to Afghanistan? Depending on whom you ask, my redeployment is either a great liberation or a Greek tragedy. My opinion lies somewhere in between.
Since then, I have endured a whirlwind of emotions. I literally lost my sense of humor for weeks. Lost and found my appetite. Faced some vicious nights with my old friend insomnia. Cried. Felt scared, bitter, and unappreciated. Even as new job offers roll in, I have been numb and unresponsive. My personal life and professional life were so tied together - do I even know who I am without this job? These factors have made it difficult to write a sincere cover letter, or even grasp what I want to do next careerwise.
In light of this personal and professional uncertainty, I did something highly unusual for me - I ran away. I’m currently on a ten day trip to Montreal and New York. If a layoff is a redeployment, this escape from reality and responsibility is now a walkabout.
It’s hard to paraphrase what the past eight days of my walkabout have done for me. I’ve spent a lot of time with former colleagues and friends who reminded me I am important, essential, and most of all, missed. They have filled me with hope and confidence that I will end up in a better place.
I spent time in two cities that were vital to my previous job and allowed myself to start the closure process. I know it is okay to experience all the emotions I’ve been going through. They’ll probably continue to surface for some time to come, and it's only natural. I have to mourn this and accept it wasn’t personal, it was just business.
Most importantly, I took time to work on rediscovering who I am and determining what my long term career goals are. I spent several days alone walking, taking photos, going to museums, writing, and most importantly laughing again. I’m relishing the free time I haven’t had in quite some time to reengage with what I love to do most. I feel ready to return home this week and begin the search for a new job. I suspect where I end up working next will be a direct result of clearing my head on this walkabout.
I truly loved the last three years of my professional life and while I won’t miss the PPT or the concalls much, I will miss the people dearly. I am so grateful for the opportunities and relationships my last job gave me. I don’t know what the future has in store for me, but I do know I don’t have to run away from it anymore. I’m ready.
2 comments:
Kristen - can totally empathize as I am in the exact same boat as you - I have been at the former company 12 years. The platitudes from friends and people I have known in the company are appreciated; utter shock from many. However, it does not make one feel a whole lot better - I am still finding myself back in the mode of looking for a new adventure. Sad thing is, I was enjoying the adventure I was on, felt I was making a difference... only to find out that it is not on the agenda of others above me (even though I was told over and over that it was.) It is hard not to be bitter. I do know that I am capable and employable, and will move on of course, either inside of the company or out. I may take the advice of the 10 day break - sounds like a great idea!
Hey Mike - I know all too well what you are feeling and I think it's natural to feel a little bitter about it all. It is, after all, our lives that are affected here. The 10 day trip away really helped me clear my head and if you can do it, go. You'll feel much better, I promise. Ironically, I was just hired back by the same company into a new role. I have a different approach this time to the job and the company in general. I think it's a healthier approach than my first go-round. I have no doubts you'll find something soon.
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