Five Years

September 10, 2001 was a triumphant day for my brother Bryan and I. We had spent months planning the annual Snader and Associates golf tournament at the Marin Country Club, and this was event day. Everything went to plan, in fact we were so prepared that we ran out of work to do, a joyous rarity in the world of event planning. We wasted a good portion of the afternoon driving a golf cart around the course, chatting with the players, including our sponsoring manufacturers who had flown in from all over the United States to play a little golf.

By the end of the evening, I was exhausted but wired from the event going so well. I went for a celebratory beer with my coworkers Lisa and Rick, where we toasted to a great event. I remember going to bed that night thinking what a success I was becoming in my field, and wondering what the next steps might be for me.

Unfortunately, the world I fell asleep in and the one I woke up in were two dramatically different places. At 6:59 AM on September 11th, the television in our bedroom came on (it was set on a timer). I remember hearing Tori Campbell from KTVU's Mornings on 2 show say in a solemn voice that the South Tower of the World Trade Center had just collapsed. I was still in a foggy dream state so I thought maybe I was imagining what she just said. But then she said it again, and as if we choreographed it, both Tim and I, the most anti-morning people you've ever met, sat straight up in bed and stared at the TV, wide awake.

I started shaking and crying as the mornings events materialized in front of me. First I called my mom who was watching the news and was equally upset. My brother and his girlfriend Jaii, who lived in San Francisco at the time, were scared to be in the city, and drove down to my parents house in Pacifica. Tim had to go into work, a fact so terrifying at the time, as he worked in San Francisco, and had to drive over the Golden Gate Bridge, a known terrorist target. I was already taking the day off to recuperate from the golf tournament, and I spent most of that time sitting in like a zombie in front of the TV watching the towers collapse over and over again. I was paralyzed by fear I didn't know I possessed.

Within 24 hours, my entire world had changed. Suddenly I knew about Osama Bin Laden, the Taliban, Muslim extremists, and the definition of jihad. The golf tournament seemed so far away, and my future, that had only one day before seemed so bright, was incredibly uncertain.

Five years after the attacks on September 11th, my world is a lot brighter. Learning to live in our tumultuous world has taught me to cherish life more. I don't feel totally safe, but I don't let the fear that once paralyzed me to the core stop me from doing anything either. I've continued to travel to other parts of the world in airplanes, take public transportation, and be proud of my Arabic heritage (at times, one of the scariest things to do, although I'm not a terrorist, nor am I Muslim. I have encountered many people with strong feelings about Arabs however, and for some, there is simply no gray area on this topic).

The past five years have gone by quickly to me. I look back at the person I was on Sept. 10, 2001 and my life seemed so much more simple then. I grew up a lot in five years, I suppose we all did. September 11th taught me about the resilience of Americans. The importance of family. The value of living life to its fullest. Living with and overcoming fear. I think back to the first flight I took, just a mere three weeks after Sept. 11th, and how quiet that plane was. And the courage it took just to step foot on it. But I did it. And for that I am so proud. I'm just sorry it took the lives of 3000 people that day, and nearly as many fighting the current "war on terror" for me to come to this place of understanding.

I will never forget.