Why the Speedo? Why?!?
As a member of the Terra Nova High School swim team, I came to an understanding of why some men wear a Speedo. These Speedo wearers are hardcore, kick-ass swimmers. And it makes sense to wear less as you just can't get killer lap times when you're wearing a pair of swim trunks. I get that.
One of the funniest Speedo moments in high school came when I started dating Eric, a hottie surfer guy, who happened to be friends with my hottie next door surfer neighbor, Mike. (Thank you again, great god(s) above for putting cute boys within feet of my home!) Eric was a member of the swim team, and also played on a water polo league. I broke new relationship ground with Eric, becoming the first girlfriend to ever be invited and attend one of his water polo matches. Why you ask? I was a swimmer myself...and thereby subjected to also wearing flimsy, body bearing lycra in public settings. I already knew the humiliation that came with wearing the official team uniform (and perhaps even more as I was the only swimmer sporting a 36C chest at the time). As a member of the swim team society, I had seen my fair share of Speedos, so seeing Eric in one wasn't going to freak either one of us out.
In college, I worked at Big 5 with a rowdy group of Chico State coeds. I remember putting the winter clothing onto clearance racks to make room for the spring clothing lines. I would unload box after box of Speedos. Being mature 20-something's, my coworkers and I would shoot the Speedo's as if they were rubber bands at one another. We roared in laughter when size 42 Speedo's came in a shipment. Seemed to me that if you're sporting a size 42 waist, maybe the whole "less is more" theory would be thrown out the window. And yet, they would always end up selling.
And then there is the infamous Banana Hammock incident in Vegas. A former coworker of mine sported a bright banana yellow Speedo at the Monte Carlo swimming pool, much to the horror of the rest of the company who was there with him. I was not there to witness this spectacle, but the story of the Banana Hammock has become something of legend around the office. Most who saw it attest to having PST flashbacks from seeing what some have referred to as the "one eyed banana snake." By far, this is the story that brings laughter and sunshine to the office on the most stressful and busiest of days.
Here I am in Vegas earlier this spring attempting to eat my brunch poolside. This is the view I am subjected to...kind of makes you lose your appetite.
South Beach, Miami. If you're like me, you've seen one too many episodes of Nip/Tuck. Amazingly (or perhaps reassuringly), I saw less supermodel types, and more soggy bottom types, like this guy here.
Then just last Friday, I'm trying to drive home from San Francisco after a long day of work. My office is located South of Market and traffic is hardly moving because of it being rush hour and there's a Giants game two blocks away. I'm headed down Townsend Street, when out of nowhere, my car is surrounded by people on bikes. At first I thought it was Critical Mass, but that is usually reserved for the last Friday of the month. It turned out to be a protest...something like bikers for peace. You can only imagine a sea of hundreds of hippy bike riders surrounding me in my little Lexus sports sedan. It is quite a combination, and I'm making friends left and right as I wait for the protest to pass me. Just as the crowd is starting to thin out, I look over and see a guy with flowing blond hair on his bike, wearing nothing but a hot pink Speedo. I must have had a good expression on my face, because he looked at me, smiled and winked.
Nice.
So Speedo-clad men of the universe - why, oh why, do you wear one? Do you enjoy showing off all your anatomy for the world to see? Why is it that there is almost always a higher occurrence of body hair when a Speedo is worn? And why on earth, if you don't look or swim like Greg Louganis, would you wear one?
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