Restless...

I would be lying if I said I've been myself since I returned from Alaska. I feel antsy, sad, and disconnected from my friends. Getting back into work has been difficult at best. I just don't care. My head and heart are elsewhere.

I want to be out seeing the world. I feel like I am locked up in a suburban prison. I don't fit in here. I am meant to be out exploring.

It wasn't just Alaska...take the past two years worth of adventures in France, Italy, and Amsterdam, add a Vegas adventure or ten, and an upcoming trip to Florida. Lately, I don't know why I even bother unpacking.

The majority of my friends are settling down and having kids now, and while that is wonderful, I'm not in that place right now. What is wrong with me? This is what 30-something's are supposed to do right? I saw two friends last night, one with a four-week old, the other friend expecting within the next two months. While it was great to see them, I felt like I couldn't connect to anything they were talking about. They were so happy in their lives - I wanted more than anything last night to be like them, share in their experiences, but instead, I withdrew and walked away.

Even my friends without kids have settled into a routine...everybody's working for the weekend. Except for we all go home at 10:30 now. No one ever wants to go out. We choose the mundane over adventure because we're tired, watching our funds, we're homebodies. I came home defeated from a barbecue last night. I love my friends, but suddenly I feel like I have little in common with them. To me it is simple - why stay home when there is this big amazing world around us?

I thought about that statement all day today, and I realize now there is nothing wrong with any of my friends. The problem is me and this restless travel bug that has taken over me. My friends are entitled to be tired and want to stay home on the weekend to pursue their interests whether it be a project or simply relaxation. In fact, that is normal. Why can't I be more like that? Why the wanderlust?

I have been on Royal Caribbean's career page more times than I can count in the past ten days. It is so bizarre - would I truly enjoy that kind of life? I feel like I left part of my spirit on that cruise ship. I absolutely loved being out on the water, even the day where we hit gale force winds and the waves were whipping us around like we were in a dingy instead of a massive luxury liner. I was at peace there. It is hard to explain the simple happiness I found in looking out my window at the scenery passing by, listening to my favorite songs on my iPod. Or sitting in the Windjammer Cafe, drinking coffee for hours, just hanging out and talking to my family. I felt alive for the first time in a long time. I didn't realize how numb I was before the trip.

You're probably thinking I'm just in a post-vacation funk, and that is certainly part of the emotional roller coaster. But there's more. I've always felt there was more out there in my life to experience. Money issues always prevented me from seeing and doing more when I was younger. Am I just making up for lost opportunity now? Will this thirst to see more ever be quenched enough for me to settle down?

I don't know what lays next for me, but sitting still is not an option.